My Insane Cat

Over and under

Across and back

Chasing his tail

Was my little black cat.

When he had caught it

He gave it a bite

Then meowed so loudly

He gave me a fright.

Unaware the tail was his

He chased it again,

Again he caught and bit it

And meowed in pain.

This time I laughed

To me it was a joke

My little black cat

Was a silly old goat.

Third time in a row

He chased his tail

I knew he had caught it

For I heard the wail.

I studied that cat

Was he for real?

By now he should know

That is his tail.

How many more times

Must he experience pain?

I concluded there and then

My cat must be insane.

I made up my mind

And the date was set,

I felt it was time

That my cat saw a vet.

The vet who was a fat

And a humorous old man

Took one look at Kittie

And said, “I have a plan.

  

Your cat’s not the first,

Cats have done this before,

They bit their tails

Until their tails were no more.

But my plan will work

I’m sure it will,

It’s highly unlikely

He will chase his tail still.”

“Will it be costly?”

I asked this humorous man.

“You’ll pay for the visit

But nothing for the plan.

You go on home

I’ll deliver him to you.”

So I went on home

Without the slightest clue.

I wish he had told me

What he had planned to do

For when I saw my cat

I became quite blue.

I was startled by a horn

Then I heard a door slam,

Up the long drive way

Walked the humorous man.

Hugged to his chest

Was my little black cat,

He seemed quite contented

And that is a fact.

He set him on the floor

And I noticed a hump

And right where his tail was

There was a stump.

“In my years of research,”

I heard the old vet say,

“This has always worked,

It’s the only way.

This surgical procedure

Does it every time,

The only side effect is

He may start to pine.

He’ll miss his tail

But he won’t chase it again,

No chance of biting it

And no chance of pain.”

It was quite funny though

The way it would end,

My cat still chased his tail

Yes, believe it my friend.

I went back to the vet

To have the surgery reversed

And there I saw my cat’s tail

In alcohol immersed.

I told him it didn’t work

He still chased his tail

So as far as I was concerned

His plan had failed.

“Ah but he doesn’t bite it

I am quite sure,

I’ll refund half the money

I can do no more.

But I have a suggestion

I will give it to you

Seek a second opinion

That is my view.”

“You don’t mean another vet,”

Was what I replied.

“No, not at all,

A psychiatrist is what I’d advise.

Your cat chases a tail

And that tail doesn’t exist

You want back his tail

And you even insist.

I conclude you are mad

And your cat is insane,

You both need a psychiatrist

To me that is plain.”

Stewart Russell © February 2018