Uh Cahn Tell

 

 

“Tell me about this mess.”

“Officer, tell de trute, Uh cahn tell.”

“But weren’t you an eyewitness?”

Officer Uh tell yuh, Uh cahn tell.

 

“What do you really mean?

“Uh mean just whuh Uh tell yuh.”

“But you were at the scene.”

Officer, leave me nuh!

 

Uh cahn tell, I tell yuh.

“Do you mean you don’t know?”

“I don’t know whuh you trying

But I en tell you so.”

 

“I find that hard to believe,

You have to know something.”

Officer, talk whuh you like,

I cahn tell nuttin.”

 

“So, you don’t know anything

And that’s why you can’t tell?”

“Officer, I en telling nuttin

Cause I just cahn tell.”

 

“Okay mam, so tell me this.

You mean your vision was obscured?”

“Uh just cahn tell,

My vision en blurred.”

 

“You are a hard witness though.

Just tell me what you saw.”

“Witness to what, Officer?

Uh cahn tell, that is all.”

 

“Let me take another angle.”

Won’t help, I en know no geometry.”

“Let’s get serious, woman,

Don’t be funny!

 

By you cahn tell

Do you mean you don’t know

Or that you are not willing to tell me

What you know to be so?”

 

“Officer I too old to be tricked

By de likes of you.

I tell you that I cahn tell.

You could tek whichever view.

 

Officer, I tell you I cahn tell

And nuttin en changing dat!

You could arrest me or charge me

But dah’s de fact!”

 

 

“Lady, you’ve given me nothing

To help me here.

“Uh cahn tell” is rather ambiguous;

It’s neither here nor there.

 

“Lady, I could have you summon

To appear before a judge.”

Go ‘head if dat is how you feel

But I will still not budge.”

 

“Uh cahn tell is where I begin

And Uh cahn tell is where I end,

And this is one story, Officer,

That you cannot bend.

 

In you report all you can write

Is that she say Uh cahn tell,

Even you Officer, cahn get dat wrong

And dat suits me well.”

 

If she knows or she knows not

“Uh cahn tell” does not say

So, we’ll just have to let that rest

And maybe try another day.

 

“Uh cahn tell.”

 

Stewart Russell © June 13, 2023

 

Stranger than Fiction

 

 

His hair was quire ruffled

Yet he was skin-head bald

And though as short as they come

He was actually quite tall.

 

He was of light complexion

But of the darker hue,

And while he looked like me

He could have been you.

 

When I first met him

I was not around

Such that when I looked for him

He could not be found.

 

He wore very dark shades

That were actually spectacles

Yet he was blind as a bat

Just like ordinary people.

 

 

He ran with a noticeable limp

On his single peg leg

And though he was filthy rich

He preferred to beg.

 

He was very transparent

Given his bulky size

And though he was quite humble

He was still full of pride.

 

Yes, he was arrogantly proud

Yet the humblest of men

And though this was just recent

It was way back then.

 

He seldom left home

But frequented his district

And would entertain a lot

But nobody would visit.

 

He was stranger than fiction

And larger than life,

Though he had never been married

He still lived with his wife.

 

All this may seem incredible

But it was actually so

And even if I am lying

Tell me, how would you know?

 

 

I was the only eyewitness

To all of these non-facts

And I knew the man

Because I created his stats.

 

So, don’t accuse me of lying

I am a story writer

And likewise, the novels your read

Don’t make you any brighter.

 

He was stranger than fiction

And larger than life

The truth and what you believe

Need not cause you strife.

 

Outside of the Bible

All else is fiction,

Have a little fun sometimes

But don’t let it be an addiction.

 

If you must tell a lie

Make sure everyone knows,

It is what jokes are made of

That’s how they flow.

 

 

I was in the deep throes of sleep

When I wrote this poem…

There I go again

Now you know my problem.

 

Stewart Russell © August 2020

 

 

A Rumour Is Just That

 

I heard something

From a reliable source,

That meant it was true

Based on the source of course.

We seem to think

That when such we can claim

Our piece of information 

Will veracity attain.

For as long as I can tell

There have been allegations

And you know what?

They lacked substantiation.

Such that the quick to speak

And the eager to spread

Started to broadcast

What that reliable source said.

It ended up in court

And the dependent lacking proof

Had to pay the price

For spreading an untruth.

It might have been true

The source may have been right

But your source also heard

So you lost the fight.

The only news that’s certain

Is what has been proven

And you should be an eyewitness

To what actually happened.

Hearsay information 

Turns into a lawsuit

And your reliable source

Becomes a deaf mute.

When you’re in the dock

He is nowhere to be found

An you end up

Looking like a clown.

You’re also out of pocket

By a considerable amount

And may have to incur a loan

To settle the account.

Even with the media

One has to express great care

For even they can get it wrong,

Of lawsuits they’ve had their share.

They’ve lost some too

And they’ve paid a hefty sum

For concerning the evidence

They had little or none.

So be careful with your news

A rumour is just that

And unless you can prove it

The courts will not find it a fact.

As this election campaign is fought

They’ll be quite a lot of rumour

But before you spread the news

Of its veracity be sure.

At its inevitable end

You may face the courts alone

With no reliable source

To help you chew on that bone.

Stewart Russell © May 2018