Stewie's Silly Snippets Volume 6

It Could Happen to You

Having heard the sound I looked

Then came a police and I was booked

I had run in the back of a truck

Quite clearly I was in a load of muck.

The Late Is Worse Than Being Late

Why hurry and waste time?

Or why waste time in a hurry?

If you take your time you’ll be fine,

Though late, someone else will be buried.

Change Is Systematic and Erratic

Loony lunar lunatic

Desperate frantic in a panic

Hayloft skylight or an attic

Dynamic similarities but not static

Not To Be Deliberately Mistaken

 

Every accident is a collision

But not every collision is an accident,

An accident oft is the driver’s indecision

But a collision could be the driver’s intent.

A Way and Away

Staying away is a way Joe used to have his way

But when he was away the boss used his way to have his say.

After being away, Joe’s way was to return the next day.

After one day away, the boss had his way sending Joe away without pay.

T-Twenty Matters

Pitter-patter and lots of chatter,

Mad as a hatter, what does it matter?

Batsmen once, now they’re batters,

Ball on galvanise, what a clatter!

Doodle and Google

Doodle and Google are twins,

Both make our heads to spin;

Doodle achieves it with a page

But Google’s world’s its stage.

The Spider-less Web

I went on the web to look for spiders

But none could be found at all;

Though I used the available search providers

Not one sighting could I recall

Of great expanse is the World Wide Web

But never a spider could be found;

With a click around its entirety I sped

But absolutely no spiders abound.

The LIME and FLOW Saga

It is true that LIME can inhibit FLOW

But is it true that FLOW limits LIME?

We will know in a couple years or so

When nothing has changed over time.

For all your LIME and FLOW needs,

And for the slowest Internet speeds,

Get LIME and in your getting get FLOW!

One is as slow as the other, you’ll know.

LIME and FLOW is a fork in the road,

Any one will surely add to your load,

In fact both are one and the same,

Rebranding is just a ploy in the game.

For those who changed LIME to FLOW

Started out fast but then became SLOW;

A short while after they joined together

To create a serious LIME FLOW bother.

LIME and FLOW, two Internet providers

Engaged in a fight for Internet supremacy,

But the epic battle ended in a no decider

And now the two comprise a monopoly.

  

The Attempt Is As Good As the Act

“I did not commit the crime,”

I argued, “I only attempted.”

“The attempt is as good as the act,”

Said the judge, “So you cannot be exempted.”

“Two hundred dollars forthwith,

You had better pay the fine

Or a large residence awaits you

Where you will be confined.”

Reaching into my side pocket

I flipped out a number of notes;

Attempting to hand them to the court

I withdrew with the following quote.

"I trust you see my genuine act,

That law should work for me;

I attempted to pay the fine

Now you need to set me free."

“How right you are,” replied the judge,

“I do most certainly agree.

I’ll just count the money first

And then you may go free."

  

Rhyme and Crime

I thought I’d seen it all

But then I heard my name call,

I was so appalled

That I had to take the fall.

No one else was named,

I alone took the blame;

Are these people insane?

They did it to me again.

Three had planned the act,

Verbally signed the pact,

Only one would take the rap,

Caught in a police trap.

And guess what!
Of that that bungling three
The one that was caught
Was none other than Me.

  

Clowning Around

Up and down

And all around

Show me a clown

With a smiling frown

 

No Riddle This Riddle

What is?

Long but short

Of all kinds but of one sort

A sneeze yet a cough

Both hard and soft

Difficult and also easy

Still but yet breezy

Rough and also smooth

Both in and out of groove

Cold and yet hot

A little yet a lot

Always but never

Together yet severed

Pure truth total lie

Same on land as in the sky

Strong and yet weak

Plugged but still leak

At the foot and by the head

Alive and also dead

Something but nothing

Nothing but everything

Did you guess this little test?

Or did you really know

That nothing is the answer?

Okay now I’ve told you so.

Long Time No See

I haven’t seen you since the last time

I sure won’t see you before the next

Twice I have told you once before

So the next time you won’t be vex.

The Money Tree

Once I have told you twice before

That money doesn’t grow on trees

But you disbelieve and come for more

So check out there among the leaves.

Stewart Russell © 2015