These should make you giggle
If you see,
If, however you don’t,
Don’t blame me.
As you read the following
Focus on the bold,
You may start reading now
And just do as you are told.
1.
When the police responded
They found three bodies
With gunshot wounds in the house.
2.
She drove to town
In a red and white sleeveless dress,
An interesting form of transport
But we’ll let that rest.
3.
Police were called
Where people were gathered
Not far from the police headquarters
For an event.
4.
When police arrived on the scene
They said
The man showed no signs of life.
Maybe he could not show anything
Because he was dead.
5.
“I am sorry to hear
Of your relative’s death”
But if you had not told me
I would not have let it rest.
Sorry to hear
Is not what she really means
But sorry he died:
Now that’s a different scene.
6.
Eyewitnesses reported hearing loud explosions
And a man fleeing the scene,
That’s twenty-twenty hearing
Like a lazer beam.
7.
Police discovered a large number of people
Gathered around a grey-coloured motorcar
And the lifeless body of an adult male
In the front driver’s seat with injuries.
Another motorcar was observed
With damage close by.
8.
They discovered him dead
As dead as a tac
But they found something else
And this is a fact.
They found next to him
An empty bottle of sleeping pills
And though the bottle was empty
Pills were in it still.
9.
It happened so quickly
He was dead before he knew it
And he never knew anything,
Not even a bit.
10.
The man that was fatally shot,
Is he really dead?
It is likely to be a court case
So, for now, enough said.
11.
These monkeys in the road
Were recorded sitting in my car.
Where were the monkeys?
In either case, near not far.
This was in connection
With a video sent to me
By a very good friend
Whom I regard highly.
12.
Talk about English gone wrong!!!
They lost me here,
If you do not understand
You need not despair.
Two boys who were recorded
slapping elderly people,
some of whom were homeless,
in the city last Wednesday have apologized.
Just sticking in commas
Does not always work,
This one is so out of sorts
It could almost hurt.
13.
That jump set the season’s best time in the pole vault
and broke both the competition record and the best mark
achieved at Stockholm Olympic Stadium.
I will leave this one
For you to work out,
Once you discover it,
I am sure you will shout.
What!!!
14.
STOCKHOLM – Norwegian sprinter Karsten Warholm broke his own European record in the 400 metres hurdles at Sunday’s Diamond League event in Stockholm, clocking a time of 46.87 seconds that was just 0.09 seconds off the world record that has stood for 28 years.
The 24-year-old improved his previous best in the discipline by five hundredths of a second but clipped the final hurdle as he came up short of the world record of 46.78 set by American Kevin Young at the Barcelona Olympics in August 1992.
Warholm ended his day by coasting to victory in the 400m, setting a time of 45.05 on a blustery afternoon that made conditions difficult for many of the athletes on show.
Mathematics gone wrong
And maybe a little English too,
If you can spot any error
Please share your view.
15.
English gone wrong
And here is another,
If at first you don’t understand
Don’t let it be a bother.
The man was taken to hospital
in a car where he was detained.
Like I said, if you didn’t get it
Just read it again.
16.
Trump said it was fake news
But then it had to be,
If you have a moment
Consider this with me.
“Most, if not all, of the facts
appear to be inaccurate.”
At a first glance
It sounds good, doesn’t it?
A fact could be inaccurate
Or, it could be wrong,
A wrong fact, I would imagine,
Would be quite strong.
17.
How the strange and unimaginable
Can before us loom!
The body was found in her office
With stab wounds.
18.
Another strange one
And I hope you will agree
The body was found on a pasture with gunshot wounds.
Must have been something to see.
19.
He was taken to hospital by ambulance
where he died.
This information may be inaccurate
But the reporter hasn’t intentionally lied.
20
What an interesting vehicle
And what awful luck!
A man was transported to hospital
In a private motor vehicle
With an injured foot.
21.
Yet another interesting vehicle
That demands an inquiry,
Another man was taken to hospital
In a private motor vehicle
With gunshot injuries.
22.
Here is a COVID-19 one
I guess you can work it out,
Ambiguous you would say
And that without a doubt.
If you have a difficulty
You can get help with the task,
I saw two police officers
On horses with masks.
23.
Here is another COVID one
And it was written not said,
All if not most will catch COVID.
It's definitely in his head.
24.
This one is no joke
I saw it on CBC TV 8
The Ad stated coming soon to CBC
But there was no date.
I heard of so many things
he did after he was dead than when he was alive.
There is no doubt that person is dead
But his legacy survives.
25.
The man beat his son
Because he was drunk.
Explain that to me
If you understand the account.
26.
Here is one from me
With copyrights
He lay in the sun all day
And night.
If you didn’t get that
Don’t bother your head,
Next time
Use your brain instead.
By the way, this was not a test
So, let it rest,
It was only “English Gone Wrong”
At its very best.
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