The Snore Catcher

 

 

Everybody snores

I have heard this is true

But I am not so very certain

Tell me, are you?

 

Some argue they don’t

As if they can hear themselves,

If this were possible

I could believe in elves.

 

However, hear this:

I can capture your snoring,

Of course, you’d have to trust me,

You’d have no way of knowing.

 

I tried it with my wife

And she didn’t even know

That I am the snore catcher

That captured her snore.

 

I can prove it too

If you think you need proof,

I have the evidence to show

I am telling the truth.

 

It matters not the snore

Whether high pitch or low,

It could be the recessive snore

Of the one that grows.

 

 

It could be a whisper

Or a tiger-like growl,

It could be the coo of a pigeon

Or coyote’s howl.

 

Whatever the sound

I can capture your snore

And you will have no doubt,

But won’t know for sure.

 

No longer you’ll argue

That you never snore

For I would have captured it

And you will know.

 

Tried and tested!

I am the snore catcher,

Once you give me a chance

You won’t have to bother.

 

Of course, you’d be asleep

And won’t know a thing

Just like you don’t have a clue

When you are sleeping.

 

You can give me a call

At the number below

And I will tell you exactly

Where you can go…

 

To have your snore captured

Then you’ll know for sure

That like everybody else

You also snore.

 

46 86 233

 

 

Grab your cellphone

To understand this code

And with a little commonsense

The place you will know.

 

When you get there

Call me before you sleep

And I will capture your snore

Once your sleep is deep.

 

Shallow sleep won’t work

That I can assure

For if one is having a dream

They cannot snore.

So that number again

If you are willing to trust me,

The snore catcher signing off

46 86 233.

 

Stewart Russell © March 2, 2024

 

I Saw My Father

I saw my father

I know it was he,

I was lying on the floor

And he was standing over me.

The interesting thing, though,

It was no concrete floor,

It was wood all through

And he was near the door.

It wasn’t no dream

‘Cause I wasn’t asleep,

Please shut your mouth

And let me speak.

Of course I was surprised

And you would know why

Since this is ten years

That my father had died.

I was at the morgue

When he came out the fridge,

And also at the burial

Which was at Coral Ridge.

So please don’t remind me

That my father had died

For this is the very reason

That I was surprised.

I tell you it wasn’t a dream

You think I foolish or what?

It was my experience

I was there and you were not.

That’s the problem with people

That were not at an event,

You relate it to them

And your story they resent.

Sorry about that distraction

Let me continue,

Please do not interrupt me

To give your view.

Now where was I?

Let me recall,

I was lying on the floor

But that wasn’t all.

All of a sudden,

Faster than lightning,

He drew this belt from nowhere

To start a beating.

This is no lie

I am telling the truth,

I even got a wale on my hand

I can show you as proof.

I scrambled off the floor

And started to run,

It is then I remembered

To do that was dumb.

My brother tried it before

And he got more licks,

Back then he did not realize

My father was so quick.

So I froze right there

And took every lash,

My brother thought he was Bolt

But my father was Flash.

Just three lashes he gave me

As a matter of fact, four,

The ones on the hand

Only counted for more.

I dared to ask him

What the lashes were for

So he drew the belt again

For such he abhorred.

I quickly apologized

And withdrew the question

Whereupon he disappeared,

I don’t know which direction.

Yes, I saw my father

And it wasn’t a dream,

I felt every lash

Though I didn’t scream.

That was also a “no-no”

We weren’t allowed to scream,

That would be disrespect

Bordering on the obscene.

My experience is finished

You can talk all you like,

 Just one thing though,

It was in the day, not in the night.

Nobody believes me

I find it hard to believe me too

But I saw my father

And that is why I do.

They say, “seeing is believing”

And I believe what I see,

I saw my father

Just like you are seeing me.

The only thing that baffles me

Is his disappearing act

But if I did not see him,

He couldn’t disappear like that.

That should satisfy you

That what I tell you is fact

But if you don’t this time

You will when he comes back.

Stewart Russell © September 2019