Moronic Moron

 

 

A Moronic Moron

Married a simpleton

And Simpleton by name and nature

Became his lifelong problem.

 

Moron tried his best

To get her to divorce

Citing he was too good for her

But she was his curse.

 

He argued he was bright

But Simpleton was dumb

And so, he yearned for the day

The divorce would come.

 

Many a year hence

These too are still together

And perfecting their unique skillset

Of being a bore and bother.

 

Every day a quarrel

As though their daily meal,

The same thing often repeated

As in a TicTok reel.

 

But what was the attraction

That obtains up to today?

They think alike yet differently

In their peculiar way.

 

 

 

Moron had played it safe

From the very beginning,

And believing he was the brighter,

He’d always be winning.

 

No intimidation at all

When he first saw Simpleton,

He had surely met someone dumber

With whom to form a union.

 

Besides, who sensibly,

Would give him a second look?

Simpleton did and unexpectantly so:

And she’s the one he took.

 

You’d call him moron

And I would have to agree

But a moron without any equal;

Moronic is what he be.

 

Call it redundance

Or even over-emphasizing

But Moron is a moronic moron

And very enterprising.

 

Every moron, I do believe,

Has his own special sense

But because we do not understand

We often take offense.

 

 

But Moron is not fazed

By what anybody feels,

He is insulated within and without

With impervious steel.

 

Criticism does not matter,

He hears nary a word

Whereupon Simpleton attests to this,

And readily concurs.

 

He is still her darling,

She liked him from day #1,

He was the only one to look at her

And instantly she was gone.

 

He may want a divorce

As is his oft-made request

But there is no one like her Moron;

He’s the absolute best.

 

Let me remind you, though,

Every book has its cover

And there is a match for everyone

Which Moron did discover.

 

Moronic he may be

But has had a lasting marriage

And that is more than most can do

Or even attempt to manage.

 

Stewart Russell © March 22, 2025

 

At It Again

 

 

A few days shy of Christmas

And they were at again,

Moron and Simpleton,

Such a joyous strain!

 

 

You won’t find a couple

Quite like these two

That get along so well together

With opposing views.

 

They only see eye-to-eye

When they agree to disagree

And even then, it is a fact,

They do so disagreeably.

 

The catalyst for this quarrel

Was the Christmas tree,

She wanted on the outside

And he disagreed.

 

Something about respiration

As it related to plants,

It would use up the oxygen

Is what she advanced.

 

 

Moron had a big laugh

And said the tree was dead,

Whereupon Simpleton said to Moron

Well bury it instead.

 

Moron tried to explain

He didn’t mean it that way

But that it was a dried-up trunk

With branches that sway.

 

All the more reason she said

It should be in the rain,

That way it will regurgitate

And come to life again.

 

What is that you said?

Can I hear that word again?

Moron was truly exasperated

But Simpleton refrained.

 

It should be inside, he said

And out of the rain

So that we can look at its lights

Again and again.

 

Plus, Moron continued,

It’s an indoor Christmas tree,

It is to be kept on the inside

For those inside to see.

 

 

I don’t care what you say

I want it on the outside

And that is where it is going

Or woe betide!

 

Well we would see,

Cause I am the man in here,

Yes, Simpleton quickly interjected

But not out there.

 

To and fro the quarrel went

With neither yielding an inch,

Both finding new points to bring

But neither would flinch.

 

 

They stood their ground

Did Moron and Simpleton

And with that Christmas came

And nothing was done.

 

 

It was their only decoration

And it was always on the inside

But that year for some reason

She wanted it outside.

 

It was a time for sharing

And outside it would be seen

And they could have it all year round

After the Christmas scene.

 

You must be wondering

What became of the Christmas tree,

Well in any given stalemate

An alternative will be.

 

It was no different here

As in the following we will see,

Moron took his wife’s advice

And he buried the tree.

 

 

What in tarnation did you do?

She inquired of him,

And all Moron would do after

Is just simply grin.

 

Neither got their wish

Even though we could disagree,

The tree is on the outside

But nobody can see.

 

Stewart Russell © December 9, 2023

 

Moron and Simpleton

 

 

Moron and Simpleton

Are husband and wife,

You won’t find a more suited couple

In spite of their strife.

 

 

Last we heard of them

They had locked themselves out,

Neither had a key

So, all they did was shout.

 

I do not have to tell you

This was to no avail

And the more they beat on the door

The more they failed.

 

But if you think this was bad

You need to think again

For before you could blink

More trouble came.

 

They went for a long walk

Far away from home

Whereupon the rain poured down

Soaking them to the bone.

 

A quarrel broke out

Since only one had an umbrella

And rather than share it

They fretted about the weather.

 

When they left home

It was sunny he argued

And when she had last checked

No rain was due.

 

However, she being cautious

Had taken one umbrella

And he being the moron he is

Didn’t carry the other.

 

You see the rain didn’t set up

Like their troubles usually had

And unlike their quarrels

It wasn’t nearly as bad.

 

 

“Why did you bring one umbrella

When you know there are two?”

She, not to be outdone hit right back,

“I would have done so if only I knew.”

 

“But the two were together,”

He shouted right back at her.

“But I did not know I just told you,”

And she refused to concur.

 

“So many women out there

And I married a simpleton like you!

Why, I would have to be a moron

And a dumb one too.”

 

 

“But are you hearing yourself

My dear idiotic moron?

One would think you brought an umbrella

And I am the problem.”

 

 

“So, if I brought an umbrella

Give me yours and use mine

So that we could shelter from the rain

And stop wasting time.”

 

“But you did not bring an umbrella

And so, I refused to use mine

‘Cause it always gets wet

And yours is dry all the time.”

 

“Foolish woman, it is an umbrella,

It is made to get wet,

Why else would you walk with yours?

Look, don’t get me vexed!”

 

 

“Well, let’s walk back home

And then we will have two

And we can walk right back here

Both me and you.”

 

“For once in your lifetime

You’ve come up with a good plan.”

“Well that’s why I am the woman

And you are the man."

 

As the saying goes,

Women always have the last say

So, she kept her umbrella in its cover

And they both set off on their way.

 

Stewart Russell © August 31, 2022

 

Moron’s Christmas Morning

 

 

Moron is in church

One early Christmas morning

Fretting ‘bout how he had to wake up

Before the day was dawning.

 

He had to bathe in cold water

And all like then was still shivering,

Only to come to the village church

He had planned on never visiting.

 

The jacket was feeling heavy

And the tie choking he

And these people singing and clapping

While he feel like misery.

 

 

And Simpleton, his wife,

Trying to get him to calm down

But he getting louder and louder

And his face screwed in a frown.

 

“How long will they sing”

In anger and frustration, he asked.

“For as long as they need to

Or until you remove that mask.”

 

Unlike two Christmases before,

COVID-19 had all but disappeared

So, the people were sitting close up

With little or no fear.

 

 

Simpleton meant the frown

That Moron had constructed in anger,

You see, he had to wake up early

And for him this was no pleasure.

 

And besides, the shoes were tight

And burning up his toes

And he wanted to take them off

As well well as the stupid clothes.

 

But then the preaching began

And Simpleton said that was it

And admonished him to stop squirming

And button up his lip.

 

This was the part he hated most;

These preachers had no end

And some of the things they often said

Drove him round the bend.

 

However, the last he could remember

Were two punches to his side:

The result of his wife's assault

And he quickly opened his eyes.

 

“If ever there was,” she said,

“That was a rude awakening.”

You see when her pastor was preaching

Everybody had to be listening.

 

So, it was either he listened

Or be disturbed again

And he knew that the very next time

There would be more pain.

 

 

Christmas was the only time

That Moron went to church

And Simpleton always did her utmost

To keep him alert.

 

But needless to say,

This proved to be quite a task

For Moron, her husband was never willing

To do anything she asked.

 

The best part of church

Was when church came to an end,

And the shorter the church service

The less it would offend.

 

When the service finally ended

Moron’s applause was the loudest

For now, he could go home

And get the rest of his rest.

 

Without fear of bruised ribs

He could then sleep all he wished

For even on Christmas morning

This was what he relished.

 

Therein is the summary

Of Moron’s Christmas morning

And I find it so incredibly boring

That I am already yawning.

 

 

Hey, I don’t mean the service

Or even Moron’s wife, Simpleton

But my reference re incredibly boring

Relates to Moron.

 

Stewart Russell © December 7, 2022