Driving Under the Influence

 

 

He was clearly inebriated

Or so it appeared

For he was all over the road

Without a care.

 

I was driving behind him

Out of necessity,

It was the way to my destination

So, naturally.

 

Mostly on the left side

Sometimes on the right,

At times right down the middle;

Do note it was night.

 

If he were not inebriated

Then he must be old

And that he should stop driving,

He should be told.

 

It did not occur to me

I was doing likewise,

Every time he ducked in and out

He became my guide.

 

 

 

Both of us were inebriated,

Both of us were drunk

But I was not given to alcohol

So, this I quickly debunked.

 

Under the influence

But not of alcoholic spirits,

For neither he nor I was drunk

But were shunning pits.

 

A pit here and a pit there

Pits were everywhere,

To find a road that is free from pits

Is becoming very rare.

 

I am calling them pits

Because of their depth

And no doubt they are responsible

For some of the wrecks.

 

“Potholes” is the name

They internationally go by

And in Barbados you can’t shun all

No matter how you try.

 

So, if you drive at night

You might get a D.U.I.

Simply because you avoid potholes

Just to get by.

 

Driving under the influence

Naught of spirited wine

But of Barbados’ array of potholes

On which we nightly dine.

 

  

Our roads are terrible

‘Tis time something be done,

Driving on our roads at nighttime

Is surely not fun.

 

One Minister made a promise

To a not-yet MP,

She said funds are already allocated

For that constituency.

 

To fix the many bad roads

That are pothole riddled,

And this, while already sitting MPs

Continue to struggle.

 

“Who de cat like….”

Need I finish this saying?

Of course not, almost every Bajan knows

Election coming.

 

My sympathy goes out

To all the other parties,

Some emerging from the wreckage

That is the DLP.

 

‘Tis not potholes this time

That caused these rifts,

But they are under some influence

If you get my drift.

 

Stewart Russell © January 2, 2026

 

Too Dumb to be Impressed

 

 

 

Dumb, dumber and dumbest

I am too dumb to be impressed,

I feel a lot better now

I have got that off my chest.

 

But what do I really mean?

Is it that I am stupid?

Or is it directly related

To something that somebody did?

 

Not what somebody did

But more what somebody said

And I must admit here of late,

Much of what I have read.

 

Somebody says something

That goes right over my head

And I am too dumb to be impressed

At what that body said.

 

It sounds particularly insightful

But I just don’t get it,

Too dumb to be impressed

Is becoming a regular habit.

 

Like, “I was a former teacher.”

What does the person mean?

Has he returned to the profession?

Is this what I should glean?

 

What’s wrong with I was a teacher?

Does this lack impressiveness?

With the former I must confess

I was too dumb to be impressed.

 

Take these times we live in!

How far can $1500.00 go?

A long way responded one Minister

But how much does he know?

 

 

In any case, more than I do

And to that I can attest

For after listening to more like him

I am too dumb to be impressed.

 

I listen to the applause

That attends some politician’s remarks

And I am so dumb, I tell you,

I am often left in the dark.

 

A politician must be a magician

Given the tricks he so often does

With alluring words that flow like honey

Though only an incessant buzz.

 

I suffer diminishing returns

And I grow less bright each day

Wherefore too dumb to be impressed

Is what I often say.

 

Like a certain moderator

Who gets annoyed at a certain caller

That regularly calls about an issue

That is a serious bother.

 

“You call ‘bout that again?

Man, it’s time you let that rest.

You know how many listeners think

That that is foolishness?”

 

 

 

Small fish are raked over the coals

But big fish are forgiven their debts,

Back into the ocean they go

With little or no regrets.

 

Little impresses me these days

And I know it’s because I am dumb,

I have been missing the punch line

And these comics are no fun.

 

I speak of these politicians

And their political propagandists,

It is sometimes difficult to determine

Who is the ventriloquist.

 

No new taxes raised

But food prices are still climbing

But that’s no big thing for certain people

For it does not affect their dining.

 

This was the apparent reason

Why the unions decided to agree,

The tax stick was hanging overhead

For all of them to see.

 

All of this is dumbing me down

Making me more stupid than before,

Yes, too dumb to be impressed

And I can’t take much more.

 

 

 

Gasoline has gone up yet again,

I really wish it would stay down

And that 40c a litre we pay at the pump

Helps to make things brown.

 

I just picked up this one

And seriously, I cannot let it past

But I sincerely promise you

It will definitely be the last.

 

“If we don’t address this…

We will find ourselves in a serious position.”

From one member to the others

In a certain political opposition.

 

So, when politicians impress you

With all of their rhetoric

I am too dumb to be impressed

By any of their tricks.

 

Stewart Russell © April 2, 2023