Moron and Simpleton

 

 

Moron and Simpleton

Are husband and wife,

You won’t find a more suited couple

In spite of their strife.

 

 

Last we heard of them

They had locked themselves out,

Neither had a key

So, all they did was shout.

 

I do not have to tell you

This was to no avail

And the more they beat on the door

The more they failed.

 

But if you think this was bad

You need to think again

For before you could blink

More trouble came.

 

They went for a long walk

Far away from home

Whereupon the rain poured down

Soaking them to the bone.

 

A quarrel broke out

Since only one had an umbrella

And rather than share it

They fretted about the weather.

 

When they left home

It was sunny he argued

And when she had last checked

No rain was due.

 

However, she being cautious

Had taken one umbrella

And he being the moron he is

Didn’t carry the other.

 

You see the rain didn’t set up

Like their troubles usually had

And unlike their quarrels

It wasn’t nearly as bad.

 

 

“Why did you bring one umbrella

When you know there are two?”

She, not to be outdone hit right back,

“I would have done so if only I knew.”

 

“But the two were together,”

He shouted right back at her.

“But I did not know I just told you,”

And she refused to concur.

 

“So many women out there

And I married a simpleton like you!

Why, I would have to be a moron

And a dumb one too.”

 

 

“But are you hearing yourself

My dear idiotic moron?

One would think you brought an umbrella

And I am the problem.”

 

 

“So, if I brought an umbrella

Give me yours and use mine

So that we could shelter from the rain

And stop wasting time.”

 

“But you did not bring an umbrella

And so, I refused to use mine

‘Cause it always gets wet

And yours is dry all the time.”

 

“Foolish woman, it is an umbrella,

It is made to get wet,

Why else would you walk with yours?

Look, don’t get me vexed!”

 

 

“Well, let’s walk back home

And then we will have two

And we can walk right back here

Both me and you.”

 

“For once in your lifetime

You’ve come up with a good plan.”

“Well that’s why I am the woman

And you are the man."

 

As the saying goes,

Women always have the last say

So, she kept her umbrella in its cover

And they both set off on their way.

 

Stewart Russell © August 31, 2022

 

What If It Rains on Christmas?

 

 

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Will you still enjoy?

Perhaps, if you were a little boy or girl

And you had your wished-for toy.

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Will you stay in bed?

I guess you would if you were sick

And had to stay there instead.

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Will you go out visiting?

Maybe, you’ll spend your day at home

And gorge yourself with eating.

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Will you go to church?

Somehow, I feel you’ll probably go

But not through the muddy dirt.

 

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Will you still be happy?

I guess if you understand its reason

You probably will be.

 

What if it rains of Christmas,

Will you still entertain?

Some will and some won’t, I guess,

Because of the added strain.

 

What if it rains on Christmas

Will you still wear that new outfit?

Or keep it back for New Year's

When it would still be hit?

 

What if it rains on Christmas,

Tell me, what would you do

That you would not ordinarily do

If the sun is shining through?

 

 

For a rainy Christmas is forecast

So, you’d better be prepared

For such an eventuality

And wear effective rain gear.

 

Ladies, it will cover your outfit

That you so much want to show-off

And the high heels you like to wear

Could stick in a muddy trough.

 

Sea-bathers, bear in mind,

If it rains you will get wet

So, if you are allergic to water

Save yourself this regret.

 

 

And remember, all of the above,

Jesus is the reason

Whether it rains or shine

During this Christmas season.

 

Stewart Russell © December 14, 2022

 

July Standby!

It is half way through

And we are into July

There is no need to say

We should be on standby.

“Standby for what?”

Only a tourist should ask.

Well ever since beginning June

We should be on task.

“But on task for what?”

The likely next question:

Preparation for hurricanes

This is the reason.

Hence, July standby!

This is the why:

The prevalence of storms

We dare not deny.

“But we don’t get hit!”

That is foolish talk,

It is a stupid attitude

When these hurricanes stalk.

Harvey, Irma and Maria

Only last year these three

Created havoc in the Caribbean

And caused untold misery.

They were so awful

Their names were retired

And the damage they did

It was as though they conspired.

Yearly we are threatened

By many a storm

But because they miss us

On this we heap scorn.

Some people quarrel

About the preparations they make

And then no storm strikes

And this they hate.

  

They fret and they quarrel

What a waste of time!

“No hurricane can hit us,”

This is what they opine.

Oh we’ve had some brushes

But nothing to compare

To what the “mighty three” did

To countries quite near.

Hurricane Janet we recall

Struck sixty-three years ago

And when another will hit

Only God would know.

It can happen to us

For it has occurred before

So let us not fail to prepare

One might be at our door.

To fail to prepare

Is to prepare to fail

So be prepared! Be on standby!

Don’t ignore this detail!

Stewart Russell © July 2018

June too Soon

It’s the stark reminder

We’re in the hurricane season

And as you would guess

Stormy weather is the reason

It is here too soon

As indicated in the rhyme

Etched in our memories

It’s “Be prepared” time

Our minds are taken back

To a time long past

When our idyllic paradise

Was struck by a blast

A blast of wind 

Accompanied by some rain

Swept the south of Barbados

Like a derailed train

A reminder of the train

That once traversed our land

Across our fair country then

It dutifully ran

As the old folk explained

It was more windy than wet

When we were visited

By hurricane Janet

Janet visited in September

Yet we say June too soon

It’s that timely admonition

To expect hurricanes from June

Here is another interesting stat

Regarding the month of June

In contrast to the season

It featured brides and grooms

It was the wedding month

As regarded by many

And they chose this as the month

In which to marry

Two contrasting seasons

In the month of June

Some can’t wait for it to come

For the other it’s too soon

Stewart Russell © June 2018