De Christmas Hams

 

 

All ya check de hams?

Duh mek muh head grow,

De hams I does buy real small

But de price big fuh so.

 

I almost buy one

But I change muh mind

Cause I en taste piece o’ ham

In a long time.

 

Years, a matter o’ fact,

None en cross my mout

And at dat price dat I see today,

Uh sure would o’ spit it out.

 

No, I en turn SDA

I is still at Lodge Road,

Lodge Road Wesleyan Holiness

Is still my abode.

 

 

No, not whey I live,

Whey I does guh church,

If you tink I live in de church

You would hah be a jerk.

 

No, nuh insult meant,

Only if you did believe so

But I know you got better sense;

You and me both know.

 

Back to de hams, dough,

Dey expensive fuh trufe,

Look like yuh gine goh get a loan

Cause de price thro’ de roof.

 

Don’t get me wrong,

Dum is some big wuns too

But if you pocket anyting like mine,

Dem hams en fuh you.

 

Uh still goh buy one

An’ dat is eventually

Cause de fact o’ de matter is,

Uh goh a family.

 

 

Dem does still eat pork

And de pork products

So yuh see, even dough I don’t eat,

Uh still bust luck.

 

De hams look good, dough,

I en see nuh loh o’ fat

But wid de price o’ dis year hams,

Nuff people gine lack.

 

I wud suggest to wunna

Start a “Go-Fund-Me” now

If wunna seriously must have ham

Wid de Christmas chow.

 

Or do hire purchase

And pay down some,

Maybe wunna could pay de rest

When next year come.

 

 

Or fuhget de turkey

And buy de ham only,

Tell wunna family dat tings brown;

An’ it is eider ham or turkey.

 

Dem SDA’s real lucky

Dat dem doan eat pork

Cause de price o’ Christmas hams

En nuh joke.

 

Here’s my final solution

And it should work:

Pray and fast on Christmas day

And spend it in de church.

 

You’ll have some money

To stretch tillyuh get pay

Or, go and eat at family or friends

On Christmas day.

 

Yuh will get ham an’ turkey

And all o’ de niceties

And yuh will be certain to enjoy

Christmas festivities.

 

Stewart Russell © December 5, 2024