Conversation with Moron My Husband

 
 

Narrator:    While sitting on the patio in the cool of the evening, Simpleton was having a rather mind boggling conversation with her husband, Moron.  They were in their second year of marital bliss.  Simpleton was audibly reflecting on the several things she had taught her husband.

Simpleton:  I taught you to iron.  I taught you to wash. I am going to teach you to cook next.

Moron:       But I have never eaten next.”

Simpleton:  But you do not understand me.  I do not want you to eat next, I just want to teach you to cook next.

Moron:       But I do not want to cook next because I have never eaten next.

What is the sense of cooking something you have never eaten and something that you probably would never want to eat?

Narrator:    She was so blown away by the moron that she paused thinking about what she should say to him. It was then that he asked her.

Moron:       What’s next?

Simpleton:  Ironing, you have learnt that.  Washing, you have learnt that too, now next is cooking.

Narrator:    Wow!  You actually have some cooking right now?

Simpleton:  What’s cooking?

Moron:       You said next is cooking.

Narrator:    By now she was at her wit’s end.  She shouted…

Simpleton:  That’s not what I mean.  I mean I am going to teach you to cook next.  You do not seem to understand, you moron!

Moron:       But I do understand.  Since you said next is cooking, I figured we could go in the kitchen and I could see how next is cooking.

Narrator:    By this time she was so exasperated, she asked him…

Simpleton:  What’s next?

Moron:       That’s what you want to teach me.  It is you that told me that you will teach me how to cook next.

Narrator:    She thought to herself, “What is this mess I have cooked up for myself?” He observed she was thinking and asked…

Moron:       What are you thinking now?

Simpleton:  I was thinking about the mess that I have cooked up for myself.

Moron:       Is cooking next such a terrible mess?  If it is, why do you bother to cook it and besides why would you want to teach me to cook it?

Simpleton:  Cook what?

Moron:       Next.

Simpleton:  What’s next?

Moron:       Something you know how to cook and something you want to teach me how to cook.

Simpleton:  I never told you that I would teach you how to cook next.  I told you that I would teach you how to cook next.

Moron:       Woman, what is it that you are really trying to tell me?  Let me see if I have it.  You are not going teach me how to cook next, you will teach me how to cook next.  Is that what it is?

Narrator:    It was then she countered in her most condescending tone…

Simpleton:  Moron, next is not something you learn to cook.

Narrator:    Moron looked his wife straight in the eyes and asked her…

Moron:       So why in tarnation would you want to teach me how to cook it?

Narrator:    In hopelessness and utter resignation Simpleton thought to herself, “Be off with you, you moron!”

Stewart Russell © 2013