Stewie's Silly Snippets Volume 6

It Could Happen to You

Having heard the sound I looked

Then came a police and I was booked

I had run in the back of a truck

Quite clearly I was in a load of muck.

The Late Is Worse Than Being Late

Why hurry and waste time?

Or why waste time in a hurry?

If you take your time you’ll be fine,

Though late, someone else will be buried.

Change Is Systematic and Erratic

Loony lunar lunatic

Desperate frantic in a panic

Hayloft skylight or an attic

Dynamic similarities but not static

Not To Be Deliberately Mistaken

 

Every accident is a collision

But not every collision is an accident,

An accident oft is the driver’s indecision

But a collision could be the driver’s intent.

A Way and Away

Staying away is a way Joe used to have his way

But when he was away the boss used his way to have his say.

After being away, Joe’s way was to return the next day.

After one day away, the boss had his way sending Joe away without pay.

T-Twenty Matters

Pitter-patter and lots of chatter,

Mad as a hatter, what does it matter?

Batsmen once, now they’re batters,

Ball on galvanise, what a clatter!

Doodle and Google

Doodle and Google are twins,

Both make our heads to spin;

Doodle achieves it with a page

But Google’s world’s its stage.

The Spider-less Web

I went on the web to look for spiders

But none could be found at all;

Though I used the available search providers

Not one sighting could I recall

Of great expanse is the World Wide Web

But never a spider could be found;

With a click around its entirety I sped

But absolutely no spiders abound.

The LIME and FLOW Saga

It is true that LIME can inhibit FLOW

But is it true that FLOW limits LIME?

We will know in a couple years or so

When nothing has changed over time.

For all your LIME and FLOW needs,

And for the slowest Internet speeds,

Get LIME and in your getting get FLOW!

One is as slow as the other, you’ll know.

LIME and FLOW is a fork in the road,

Any one will surely add to your load,

In fact both are one and the same,

Rebranding is just a ploy in the game.

For those who changed LIME to FLOW

Started out fast but then became SLOW;

A short while after they joined together

To create a serious LIME FLOW bother.

LIME and FLOW, two Internet providers

Engaged in a fight for Internet supremacy,

But the epic battle became in a no decider

And now the two comprise a monopoly.

  

The Attempt Is As Good As the Act

“I did not commit the crime,”

I argued, “I only attempted.”

“The attempt is as good as the act,”

Said the judge, “So you cannot be exempted.”

“Two hundred dollars forthwith,

You had better pay the fine

Or a large residence awaits you

Where you will be confined.”

Reaching into my side pocket

I flipped out a number of notes;

Attempting to hand them to the court

I withdrew with the following quote.

"I trust you see my genuine act,

That law should work for me;

I attempted to pay the fine

Now you need to set me free."

“How right you are,” replied the judge,

“I do most certainly agree.

I’ll just count the money first

And then you may go free."

  

Rhyme and Crime

I thought I’d seen it all

But then I heard my name call,

I was so appalled

That I had to take the fall.

No one else was named,

I alone took the blame;

Are these people insane?

They did it to me again.

Three had planned the act,

Verbally signed the pact,

Only one would take the rap,

Caught in a police trap.

And guess what!
Of that bungling three
The one that was caught
Was none other than me.

  

  

Clowning Around

Up and down

And all around

Show me a clown

With a smiling frown

  

No Riddle This Riddle

What is?

Long but short

Of all kinds but of one sort

A sneeze yet a cough

Both hard and soft

Difficult and also easy

Still but yet breezy

Rough and also smooth

Both in and out of groove

Cold and yet hot

A little yet a lot

Always but never

Together yet severed

Pure truth total lie

Same on land as in the sky

Strong and yet weak

Plugged but still leak

At the foot and by the head

Alive and also dead

Something but nothing

Nothing but everything

Did you guess this little test?

Or did you really know

That nothing is the answer?

Okay now I’ve told you so.

Long Time No See

I haven’t seen you since the last time

I sure won’t see you before the next

Twice I have told you once before

So the next time you won’t be vex.

The Money Tree

Once I have told you twice before

That money doesn’t grow on trees

But you disbelieve and come for more

So check out there among the leaves.

Stewart Russell © 2015

The Bible in Poetry: The Miracles of Jesus

Extracted from the Bible In Poetry

From Genesis to Revelation

Not only did Jesus teach and preach, many a miracle did he,

Such that the first recorded miracle was a wedding in Galilee;

The wine was definitely out, his mother asked for a miracle,

Jesus changed water into wine just to put it pure and simple.

  

The second sign was at Galilee, it concerned a nobleman,

Whose son was very sick a distance off in Capernaum;

Jesus stood right there and stopped the young boy’s fever,

The man believing went away his son was healed that hour.

It was a Sabbath day, Jesus in the synagogue taught,

They brought a man to him who with an unclean spirit fought;

Jesus rebuking the spirit, commanded him to hold his peace

The spirit came out of the man bringing him great relief.

The next was closer to home, it was Peter’s mother-in-law,

She had a very high fever there were many there that saw.

Jesus took her by the hand, immediately the fever left her,

Grateful for deliverance she got up and began to minister.

Was a night the disciples toiled but caught not a single fish,

Jesus instructed try again and exceeded their greatest wish.

Touching a leper was forbidden, this was a known command,

Lepers were made clean by a touch from the Master’s hand.

  

Once there was a paralytic, friends put him through the roof,

Jesus’ healing of the man supplied the adequate proof.

To the man by the pool he said take up your bed and walk,

This was one of the miracles that brought about much talk.

There on another Sabbath was a man with a withered hand,

Healing was effected at the heeding of Jesus’ command.

Then there was the centurion a man with great authority,

Whose servant was very ill but he couldn’t cure his malady.

He had indicated to Jesus he was not worthy of that he asked,

But based on what he heard knew Jesus was up to the task;

Jesus commended his faith, he healed the centurion’s servant,

Those returning would report he was healed that very moment.

Jesus met a funeral procession as he entered the city of Nain,

A widow had lost her only son and was experiencing the pain.

Jesus showed compassion when he saw that she was weak,

Commanding the youth to rise, he sat up and began to speak.

   

They brought unto Jesus a man that was both deaf and blind,

Jesus rebuked the spirit, only he could have dealt with this kind.

While on the sea one day they were crossing to the other side,

When a great storm arose and caused a quickly swelling tide.

Jesus was asleep in the boat and the disciples became afraid,

Stilling the winds and waves, he asked “Why are you so scared?”

They feared exceedingly and asked, “What manner of man is he?

“Even the winds obey him,” said they, “and also the very sea.”

    

They had crossed over the sea and entered the Gadarenes,

There they had met a man that possessed a spirit unclean;

He lived among the tombs and said his name was legion,

Jesus healed the demoniac, they told to him leave the region.

There was also the woman that had an issue of blood,

She had given more money to doctors than she should.

The reality was, she never got better, she only got worse;

It was as though she had been plagued with a cruel curse.

  

She had heard about Jesus and so she sought him out

But people had thronged him; there were many about.

She reached out and touched just the hem of his cloak

And at once her blood issue was miraculously revoked.

  

Miracle number sixteen was the raising of Jairus’ daughter,

His little girl was dying and he wanted Jesus to touch her;

Arriving at the house he asked, “Why this ado, why weep?

The little damsel is really not dead she is only asleep."

Jesus took the damsel by her hand and said to her arise,

Straightway she stood and walked much to their surprise.

Two blind men followed Jesus begging to receive their sight,

Jesus had compassion on them and next they saw the light.

Next he healed a dumb man also possessed by a devil,

The people marveled saying this never was seen in Israel.

Jesus fed five thousand with five loaves and only two fish;

That little boy’s lunch provided a most appetizing dish.

  

Jesus walked on water while the winds were at their worst,

The disciples became troubled and thought it was a ghost;

Jesus said to Peter, “It is I, walk from the boat to me.”

Peter started but looked away; Jesus saved him from the sea.

 

A woman came to Jesus, her daughter was demon possessed,

She pleaded with the Master she wanted the matter addressed;

Jesus spoke highly of her faith then he satisfied her need,

Her daughter was made whole, from her plight she was freed.

Some miracles were repeated like giving sight to the blind,

Feeding thousands, unstopping ears, miracles of that kind;

Cast out demons healed infirmities coin in the mouth of a fish,

Some followed for the food, others the miracles they relished.

 

About the man born blind they wanted to know who did sin,

But was for God’s glory that his sight was restored to him.

Once he cursed a fig tree another time he restored an ear,

All these were done to show his compassion and his care.

The following was not the last but certainly needs a mention,

About his good friend Lazarus I request you pay attention.

Jesus delayed his coming though he knew his friend was sick,

Deciding to abide in that same place was a part of his remit.

Two days would pass before he said, to Judea let us go,

Never puzzled or even baffled he always seemed to know.

“Lazarus is dead,” he said, for he went with no man’s flow,

To the intent they may believe and know he told them so.

Martha met him on the way and told him Lazarus was dead,

"He that believes in me and dies, he shall live again," he said.

Told to take away the stone Martha would intimate decay,

Lazarus was dead four whole days and not just yesterday.

If only Martha would believe she would see God’s glory,

Jesus came to show us God and that’s the Gospel story.

Come forth he called to Lazarus and Lazarus did arise,

All who saw believed there was no conjecture or surmise.

  

Thirty-five miracles mentioned that Jesus had performed,

Many believed but others still were never transformed;

Blessed are they that believe though they’ve never seen,

Jesus didn’t come to the righteous but sinners to redeem.

Miracle of miracles I’ve decided to leave for the very last,

It’s the sacrifice of Jesus that took care of our sinful past;

How he died on the cross at Calvary by vile men crucified,

How he rose again triumphant for me who him had denied. 

Stewart Russell © 2013

A Word to the Troubled Believer

Why are we so troubled and cast down?

Why so perplexed and overwhelmed?

Why, dragging in the hole upon ourselves

We ignore the source from which hope stems?

Why do words of others slice us through

As though we are on a cutting block?

Who gives the authority to shape our mood

And we have no power to make him stop?

 

 

When we’re sad someone else is responsible,

When anger rushes in someone else is blamed,

When anxiety stops us dead in our tracks

We are in no doubt about that somebody’s name.

“I am in control of my own life,” we often say,

Sticks and stones break bones but words, never!

But when bodily injuries have long healed

Those left on the mind still cause a shiver.

We’re not our own but oft controlled by another,

A relative, a friend or some important other,

Who make us smile when they so desire

And frown to the extent that we even perspire.

They are at the work place and also in the home,

At the club you’ll find them; they decide our tone,

Present in the church and they’re also on the street

With words to change our mood every time we meet.

 

Why entrust my frame of mind to another’s whim?

Why to a best friend, the boss or a next of kin?

Why should another determine my disposition?

Why can’t I wrest this control from any of them?

Just a few moments ago I was having a good laugh,

Compliments of a friend that acts like he’s daft,

Then as sudden as summer rain my mood changed

With the mouthing of one who is clearly deranged.

 

And more often than not they’re just a pack of lies

Looking for an audience to gather round like flies,

There’s nothing like rumour which stretches for miles

That puts a frown on a face and remove all the smiles.

Need not be a friend sometimes a mere acquaintance

Can ruffle our feathers or make us rue his existence,

And stretch our faces to a pained and ugly mask

Making our lives much more difficult a task.

That sphere of our life that we give over to others

Should be given only to God and not another,

The Father alone should determine our mood

And His peace and joy should be to us as food.

 

Next time you are angry don’t blame some one,

Accuse yourself and make an effort to move on,

You will eventually find out that after a while

Blaming someone else would not be your style.

It may take a year, two years or may be three,

Once you get the hang of it you will be free,

Liberated from those to whom you gave control

And those you allowed to put your life ‘on hold’.

Your witness would be brighter; that’s a fact,

And clearer to them that once held you back,

God would get the praise, the honour and glory

As your life narrates a totally different story.

 

So, what is your resolve now you know all this?

Will you go on as usual and put your joy at risk?

Give up your peace of mind to all who insist

Or decide now, all negative influences, “Dismiss”?

Stewart Russell © 2014