Moron’s Christmas Morning

 

 

Moron is in church

One early Christmas morning

Fretting ‘bout how he had to wake up

Before the day was dawning.

 

He had to bathe in cold water

And all like then was still shivering,

Only to come to the village church

He had planned on never visiting.

 

The jacket was feeling heavy

And the tie choking he

And these people singing and clapping

While he feel like misery.

 

 

And Simpleton, his wife,

Trying to get him to calm down

But he getting louder and louder

And his face screwed in a frown.

 

“How long will they sing”

In anger and frustration, he asked.

“For as long as they need to

Or until you remove that mask.”

 

Unlike two Christmases before,

COVID-19 had all but disappeared

So, the people were sitting close up

With little or no fear.

 

 

Simpleton meant the frown

That Moron had constructed in anger,

You see, he had to wake up early

And for him this was no pleasure.

 

And besides, the shoes were tight

And burning up his toes

And he wanted to take them off

As well well as the stupid clothes.

 

But then the preaching began

And Simpleton said that was it

And admonished him to stop squirming

And button up his lip.

 

This was the part he hated most;

These preachers had no end

And some of the things they often said

Drove him round the bend.

 

However, the last he could remember

Were two punches to his side:

The result of his wife's assault

And he quickly opened his eyes.

 

“If ever there was,” she said,

“That was a rude awakening.”

You see when her pastor was preaching

Everybody had to be listening.

 

So, it was either he listened

Or be disturbed again

And he knew that the very next time

There would be more pain.

 

 

Christmas was the only time

That Moron went to church

And Simpleton always did her utmost

To keep him alert.

 

But needless to say,

This proved to be quite a task

For Moron, her husband was never willing

To do anything she asked.

 

The best part of church

Was when church came to an end,

And the shorter the church service

The less it would offend.

 

When the service finally ended

Moron’s applause was the loudest

For now, he could go home

And get the rest of his rest.

 

Without fear of bruised ribs

He could then sleep all he wished

For even on Christmas morning

This was what he relished.

 

Therein is the summary

Of Moron’s Christmas morning

And I find it so incredibly boring

That I am already yawning.

 

 

Hey, I don’t mean the service

Or even Moron’s wife, Simpleton

But my reference re incredibly boring

Relates to Moron.

 

Stewart Russell © December 7, 2022