Remembering Ossie Moore

 

To comedian number one

All the others merely follow

And when a comic history is written

They will be in his shadow.

They even use his jokes

Up to this very day,

Thus enough evidence to show

Which comedian led the way.

I say Ossie

And you say Moore,

Then I say jokes

And you say galore.

We have many bajan characters

Both alive and dead,

If you have a problem with this

Just forget what I said.

One such character

Was named Ossie Moore,

We does still laugh at he jokes

Even though we hear dem before.

Ossie Moore was born

In the year nineteen hundred

And sometime time in 1976

Ossie Moore was declared dead.

Don’t  ask me why

Ossie was declared dead,

I just have a very strong feeling

He was not asleep in bed.

Enough of that, though,

Let me get to his jokes,

He was not the brightest man on earth

But for sure, he was no “ole goat”.

He liked to be called Ossie

Or you could call him Moore,

But never the two together

Or you would vex him sore.

He worked for a Magistrate

As a handyman, I was told

But that was before he died

At only seventy-six years old.

Ossie was blamed

For a whole lot of stuff

But it made him famous

Though then it was tough.

I understand he lit a $5 bill

To find a lost quarter

That he had lost some night,

You could imagine de laughter.

Another night he lost a quarter

Up in Payne’s Bay

But was found looking for it

Down Carlton way.

His reason for this

Was that Payne’s Bay had no light

So he searched for it in Carlton

Where it was quite bright.

 

Reported on two occasions,

He put the donkey in de cart

Whereupon he became the jackass

Boy, wasn’t he smart?

On the third occasion

When he was stopped,

“Talk to the driver”

Was what he said to the cop.

I heard he caught a green lizard

And put it down to ripe

Could you imagine?

That must have been a sight.

Required to spell the word pin

He omitted the “i”

 And then argued it would be a needle,

He’d make you laugh till you cry.

He was once instructed

To get the yard fire bright,

Well, he “ketch fire” the yard...

I guess he felt he was right.

Once required as a cook

To put pepper in de pot,

His boss must have been pretty mad

When he saw what he got.

Pepper, the dog

Became part of the meal,

If it was your dog

How would you feel?

Once he went to a store

And purchased a table

But left it behind

Because he felt it was more able.

 

After all, he had two feet

And the table had four,

It should get home before him

That was Ossie Moore.

Ossie Moore didn’t know his tables

But he knew their tune well

And when it was table time,

The notes he would yell...

Hums hums are hums

Hums into hums hums,

Hums hums are hums

Hums into hums hums.

“Ossie, what are you doing

You stupid goon!”

“Teacher, I don’t know the words

But I sure know the tune.”

His classmates

 Should have answered,

“Dumb dumb is dumb, Ossie Moore,

You are so dumb.

Every fool has his own sense

Is good bajan advice,

We should not be too quick to judge

I believe Ossie was nice.

Remember for whom he worked

A Magistrate, if you please,

So be sure of what you are doing

When you choose someone to tease.

There will always be a mention

Of this bajan icon

And, like the song we often sing,

It is Payne’s Bay he come from.

Ossie’s real name was

George Ethelbert Oscar Moore,

Though some considered him mentally slow

He has a place in bajan folklore.

Stewart Russell © November 2019