An Emotional Scar

 

“How many times must I tell you

Not to do things like that?”

And with that I was feeling

The strap along my back.

The pain was instantaneous

I stood up ramrod straight

Then bent under the onslaught,

I think I counted eight.

Two more than the maximum

That was supposed to be six,

This offense was too serious

I knew I’d be in a fix.

She really expressed her anger

And her displeasure with me,

I was an embarrassment to her

And threatened her dignity.

She had lived in her community

With nary the slightest flaw,

People had looked up to her

Impressed with what they saw.

Her children too were respected,

They obeyed her every request

And whenever in the community

They were at their very best.

Mother was proud of her brood,

She walked with head held high

But on this particular occasion

I caused my mom to cry.

How I wish I could have undone

The folly that I did,

I had gone from high to low

As down the slippery slope I slid.

I knew what I had done

And the only way out was to lie

And so I tried to cover up

Unaware there was a spy.

  

I don’t know what made me

Feel I could fool my mom,

She had a way of finding out

Almost before I was done.

I learnt in later years

That she had some extended eyes,

It was after this incident

That I first came to realize.

Maybe you’re wondering what I did

That got mommy so annoyed,

Well you can put your mind at ease

I stole a neighbour’s toy.

It was out on his patio

And nobody else was around,

To pass up this opportunity

I’d really be a clown.

In a flash I was in and out

And up the street I ran,

At that moment unknown to me 

That was where my troubles began.

I wished I could erase

Like how it’s done on tape

But what was done was done

And that I could not escape.

Like the proverbial cat

I was caught in my tangled web,

I felt I would be better off

If I could turn up dead.

Never had I done such before

So I was in great torment,

I couldn’t take that toy to my home,

That was not my intent.

I thought I’d hide it for a while

Somewhere it couldn’t be found

And so I found a special place 

And there I set it down.

As I neared my neighbour’s house

I noticed there a crowd,

I couldn’t hear a word they said

Their voices were not loud.

As I got a little closer though

They turned and stared at me,

It was then that I realized

With them was my mommy.

She had looked none too pleased

But she could not have known,

“Nobody else was around,”

Under my breath I moaned.

My mother was no diplomat

Diplomacy was not her gift,

I had learnt that from very small

I trust you caught my drift.

“Wherever you hid it,” she said,

“Go and bring it back.

In secret you thought to take it

In the open you’ll get the strap.”

The indignity I suffered

Was greater than the lashes received,

The emotional scar remained

Years after the wales had healed.

As an adult it still hurts a little

When that occasion I recall,

Even now I still wish

I could go back and erase it all.

Years after, I asked my mom

How she had come to realize,

She said, “Son, what you didn’t know

Is that I always had my spies.

Plus you had talked about that toy

How you wanted one like it

So when the information came to me

I knew you were up to tricks.

So together with our neighbours

We waited for your return.

The rest is now history

But I hope those lashes still burn.”

“Indeed they do,” I said to her

Though not in a physical way.

I still carry that emotional scar

I suffered on that day.”

It’s done me well I must confess

Never have I gone there again.

I’d rather keep on the straight and narrow

Than experience such emotional pain.

Stewart Russell © May 2018