By George and Jack

 

“Hi George, what’s up?”

“The clouds and the sky, Jack.”

“You know I don’t mean that.”

“So what do you mean Ole Chap?”

“Since I last saw you

You like you went overseas,

You appear particularly careful

About dotting “I’s” and crossing “T’s”.”

“You are so right Jack,

A lot of your lingo I don’t understand

So speak to me in the Queen’s English

Now that I am back in the land.”

“How long were you overseas?”

“None of your business, I must declare.”

“I like I touch a raw nerve, my brother.”

“You are not my brother; of that be aware.”

“I am trying to remember

The last time I talk to you.

Probably just a couple a weeks

Or at best, maybe a few.”

“Tell me Jack

What’s the point you are trying to make?

Make it quick

For I really don’t want to be late.”

“You have really changed,

By George, I must admit.

You were always a little strange

But now you are a twit.

I remember when

We used to be very good friends

But it seems to me

That something happened to caused that to end.”

“Well Jack that may be so

But I want you to know

That I have moved on.

Sorry if it is such a hard blow.”

  

“By George, you are crazy,

I mean crazy as in mad.

And today is a sad day

I mean real, real sad.

If you went away

It could not be for long

But you turn up with a different hymnbook

And singing a new song.”

“Well I tell you Jack,

That’s the problem with the world.

Stuck in your ways won’t get you far.

There, I said it, I hope you heard”

“But tell me for sure George,

You went overseas?

Cause the way you behaving

You don’t look too please.

I am hearing a little twang,

I am not sure of the accent.

It could be Yankie or Canadian

Or may be a little English bent.

Tell me the truth, George

You just come back?”

“I have already told you, boy

It’s none of your business, Jack.”

“Who you calling boy?

You need to show some respect!

I am much older than you

And behind your ears still very wet.”

Look I dry behind my ears

Whenever I take a bath

So the nonsense you talking

Isn’t even worth a laugh.

I know for sure

You’ve never left this rock

But I have at least once,

Of that you can take stock.”

“Congratulations George!

Now I know for sure that you went away.

At least you could tell me where you went

And how long was your stay.”

“None of your malicious business,

I told you that before

So Jack, get out of my face,

You’re becoming a bore.

I was up in a State

If you really must know,

If you can qualify for a Visa

You too can go.

I came back in today

And I have not been home yet.

I caught an airport bus

And I also got wet.

As you have picked up

I am not really pleased

Since my pick-up never arrived

And you are a tease.



If you do not mind

I must hurry on home.

I guess you do remember,

I live alone.”

“Man I am so sorry, George

But you could a call me.

I would a come straight away

And not even charge you a fee.”

“Wait!  You got a car now?

Why I din even know.

All these years you is my friend

And you couldn’t tell me so?

Wonder of wonders

Look who got a car!

But Jack you had a bicycle for years

And you used to ride real far!

If I had known

I would have called from the airport.

I really would have called

You know I don’t make sport.

What model car is it?

And is the body strong?”

I hope it’s not too old, you know.

Have you had it long?”

“Very long indeed

And it’s a reliable three speed

And as regards a de the model?

It’s a dependable Hercules.”

“Hercules?  Where have I heard of such before?

Is it a Nissan, Toyota or Ford?”

“I will tell you, George so you can go on home

Cause right now I am the one who’s getting bored.

A Hercules is a bicycle, man.

Just like a Raleigh or a Humber,

Perhaps when you were up in the States

Your brain went into slumber.

But how long you went way for?

You en tell me yet.

And by the way, if I did pick you on my Hercules

You would a still get wet.”

Yuh see you forget

Though you remember that I use to ride far.

But it was you and me

And you used to be in the bar.

So tell me quick

And then go long home

Right up de hill there

Where de grass overgrown.”

“I never left.”

“What is it you say?

You got to be kidding me

You mean you never left ‘bout hey?”

“I went to the airport

But the flight missed me.

Nobody told me

I had to pay a departure fee.

I was low on cash,

I didn’t have a cent

So I spent a couple days up there

And then home I was sent.”

I was too ashamed

To come back so soon

Cause I knew when you find out

I would be doomed.

So here I am on my way home

Moving on up the Hill where de grass is overgrown.

Not much luggage as you can see

Since I never really left de country.”

“Never really left?

You mean you ain’t went no way

But come bout hey putting on a accent

Trying to fool me today.

By George, I have done better than that

I am proud to tell.

I went on a fishing boat

Just beyond the swell.

And bring back fish too

Which is very unlike you,

Cause the airport is as far as you went

And all you bring back is a mix-up accent.

And tell a big lie too

Saying you went up in a State

Then come hey wet from head to toe

And playing you talking poor great.”

But I was in a real state, Jack,

Only that I was speaking ‘bout my condition.

It is you who thought

That I did mean a destination.

George eventually went away

And Jack was with him too

When they both went adrift

And was picked up by a fishing boat crew.

They were flown back to Barbados

And you should know where they went

If I told you they came back home

Without boat or fish and not one red cent.

Not much luggage as you can see

Only the clothes on their back

But now they can boast that they went overseas

Congratulation to my friends “By George and Jack”!

Stewart Russell © June, 2017