Hurry And Munch

Just a little lightness

To Take the strain away

And remind the general public

We didn't eat ham everyday.

Not that we want to go back

To living in that time

But just a little humour 

To free up the troubled mind. 

National Social Responsibility Levy

And the Christmas leg ham

 A two-sided problem

We’re all trying to understand.

Hurry And Munch

Not too sure this time...

Ham real expensive

Especially the Farmer’s Choice kind.

Having said this

The following don’t you miss!

Snake for a replacement

Yes, from a grunt to a hiss.

At a bank in Bim

Bank officer and client:

A conversation therein

Both are particularly defiant.

“Good morning, Mam.”

“Good morning, Sir.

What can I do for you?”

The bank officer purrs.

“Not much,” the client replies

Encouraged by her tone,

“I thought I would come by

And get a bank loan.”

“Loans are what we do,

That’s why we are here.

Say how much you want

That’s how much we care.

Tell me your particulars

Your name and address

And if you are employed

Then put your mind at rest.

Just guarantee the payback

Of the loan we will give

For we exist

So that you can live.”

“I am glad I came here,

You are so kind,

I was certain this Christmas

Not a leg ham would be mine.

When I had almost given up

I was told to go to the bank

And now I am here

 I have you to thank.

With the advent of the NRSL

Up went the price of a ham

And still these merchants asking

For as much as they can.

My mind is on a leg

That is my favourite part

I just absolutely like a leg ham

With all of my heart.”

“Do you have a job, Sir?”

“No, I get lay off.”

“So how do you expect to buy a ham

At the astronomic cost?”

“Now you can see, Mam

Why I come to you.

I know full well

You would see my view.”

“How much do you want

To borrow from this bank?

It can’t be much,

I have to be frank.”

“Fifty for a bottle of gas

And four-fifty for the ham:

Five hundred in all,

I’m so grateful to you, Mam.”

“Well, pay back will be

Fifty a week in 16 weeks time

So you can have your leg ham

And for Christmas dine.”

“Wow! Over four hundred cash

To buy a leg ham

Or eight hundred hire purchase

Through a four-month plan.

Hurry And Munch

All those who still can

With another rise in the NRSL

Just a few would have a leg ham.

As for the five hundred, Mam

Cancel that loan.

With some cheese and biscuits

I can manage on my own.

I have a personal responsibility

To eat everyday

But this social responsibility

Getting in my way.

I want to be patriotic

And to be social too

But a leg HAM and the NRSL

Are two opposing views.

Enjoy your Christmas

Even without the leg ham

And thank God for another year,

A good day to you, Mam.”

Stewart Russell © December 2017