If I Ketch Dah Man

Up and down

And all around

Police dem looking

And cahn find nutting.

Inside and outside

“But woe betide

If I ketch dah man

He gine lose a hand.”

Dat tiefing brute

Went in hey fuh trute

Cah way my fruit

Dig my potato root.

Reaped and din sow

Come back fuh moe

En got nuh discretion

But I got my weapon.

I waiting fuh he

This time he gine see

Can’ always trick me

What will be will be.

If I ketch dah man

He gine lose a hand

I tek all I gun stand

I protecting my land.

By my tears my sweat

I come by this dat I get

And he come in dey

Like he own ‘bout hey,

I gine ketch he I know

You hear I tell you so

He gine know I’s boss

He gine bear de cost.

All did good last night

This morning was a sight

I gone in me ground

Lot o’ my fruit cahn be found

Not only de mangoes

But also potato rows

He pull and he pick

Man he got to be sick.

If I ketch dah man

He gine lose a hand

I tek all I gun stand

I protecting my land.

Police come dis morning

So early dem yawning

Look all over de place

Of him cahn find a trace.

Third time in a while

Dem cutting nuff style

Six mek up dem band

Can’ ketch a single man.

Strutting in dem walk

Dem talking pretty talk

We will have him stalk

Like Columbo Peter Falk.

  

I set all kind o’ trap

Trying to stop dis crap

But he’s a clever chap

He got he own map.

If I ketch dah man

He gine lose a hand

I tek all I gun stand

I protecting my land.

Now mango tree clean

Prettiest wuns ever seen

He done collect he fee

And get way scotch free.

He en sow but he reap

All my crops when I asleep

Selling dem all dirt cheap

Dat no good tiefing creep.

But it gine come to a end

Even if he is my friend

Right now I can’ say when

I will have my day den.

It gine stop I know

Tell them old Joe seh so

Come high tide or low

I gine eye ball this foe.

Several months later

Came a twist in this caper

I finally ketch de tief

But still uh get no relief.

  

Couldn’t believe muh eye

All uh could do was sigh

Din know he was so sly

Dat youngster could lie.

He set de traps wid me

Boy that was so funny

I look back now and see

Uh cun believe it did he.

He was last to go to bed

First to raise he head

Living in my household

Man he was really bold.

But he finally mek a slip

Right from he own lip

“Mangoes does sell good”

My own flesh and blood.

I know I got bear mout

All I could do is shout

But then I never knew

It was my wife’s nephew.

Yes I ketch de man

But uh cun tek off he hand

Cause he is muh family

So we have to live happily.

  

Stewart Russell © 2014