Monday, April 17, 2017

Bible Anecdotes




Image result for images for Bible humour

Draw up a chair
And listen a while
Enjoy the Bible
And share a smile

You may determine
Which get your vote
As you read through
These Bible anecdotes

I’ve tried a bit
To put them in rhyme
I hope I succeeded
Each and every time

So without the long talk
Or any more ado
Here are some Bible anecdotes
For me and for you

Image result for images of Samson

I’ll start with this one
It might make you frown
Samson was a great comedian
He brought the house down

Noah was a great financier
Must be his education
He securely floated his stock
While the world was in liquidation

Noah was a great inventor
With tremendous skill and insight
He isn’t credited with it yet
But he invented floodlights 

Image result for images of noah's ark

He was good at Mathematics too
And wrote the book of Numbers
And no doubt he could measure
For the ark was built with lumber

The final thing about Noah
That I haven’t told you yet
No cards were played on the ark
Because Noah stood on the deck
  
Pharoah’s daughter was a financier
With quite a flair for style
She drew out a little prophet
While at the Bank of the Nile

Although Moses was bright
He never came first in class
The record shows he always came fourth
Whenever he was given a task

Image result for images of Moses and the broken commandments

Moses was an interesting character
That made people keep the law
Yet he broke all ten in one fell swoop
When angered by what he saw

It is said of Henry Ford
That he made the first motorcar
But vehicles were in the Bible
One doesn’t have to look far

Let’s turn to Genesis
Just after the creation story
God drove Adam and Eve
Out of the garden in a Fury

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David was a great king
And a very rich man
His Triumph could be heard
Throughout the land

See the Honda in the Acts
In which the apostles of the Lord
Were all together
In one Accord

From the arena of cars
To the arena of games
We will show a fast pace sport
Baseball is its name

Eve stole first; Adam stole second
Abel was struck out by Cain
The Prodigal son made a home run
And Giants and Angels were ended by rain

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Tennis was also present
It was a prestigious sport
In the first Biblical record
Joseph served in Pharoah’s court

Having left the garden
Adam and Eve suffered pain
I have no doubt about this fact
For that’s when they raised Cain

Adam must have confessed
Once with his children alone
“I always meant to tell you this
Your mother ate us out of house and home

As soon as they ate the fruit
They suffered untold damage
Their insurance also ran out
And they saw they had no coverage

Right into Goliath’s forehead
The smooth little pebble bore
The giant must have been surprised
The thought never entered his head before

Image result for images of David and Goliath

Out of this came a lull-a-by
From out of this feat it emerged
David, he rocked Goliath to sleep
Sounds more like a funeral dirge

The first case of constipation
With David it did appear
It must have been a difficult time
Sitting on the throne for forty years

Image result for images of God humbles Nebuchadnezzar

Nebuchadnezzar was a drug addict
I want you to be aware
Losing respect and fear for God
He was on grass for seven years

Beds back then were very large
You can put me to the test
David slept with his fore fathers
And they had a peaceful rest

Before Boaz had been married
He had a little stress
The reason for that must have been
The fact that he was Ruth-less

Being fatherless and motherless
Really couldn’t be fun
I must sympathize with Joshua
Who was the son of Nun

Image result for images of the fatted calf

It also appears to me
Some animals had strange names
Moreover the dogs and Hither the calf
Are two that I can claim

The Jordan area was wealthy
It was wealthy as can be
The banks were always overflowing
The evidence of liquidity

That the Lord is going to be with you
Is no guarantee when you fly
Lo I am with you always” implies
You had better keep out of the sky
   
Well, that’s about all for now
I trust you are still awake
If you are you might have noticed
The anecdotes numbered twenty-eight 

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If there’s one you might have missed
Don’t be ashamed to go back
I myself dozed a number of times
I can tell you that that’s a fact

Stewart Russell © 2017

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