Going Nowhere by Phone

Caller:       Hi, how are you doing?  I called you yesterday but got no reply.

Recipient: Sometimes I do not hear this phone ring.

Caller:       Did you check the bell to see if it is up or down?

Recipient: Well I look up in the ceiling and on the ledges but I did not see anything.  I even looked under the chairs and the bed and no bell.

Caller:       Did you call LIME?

Recipient: Couldn’t be there.  I haven’t been there in a while.

Caller:       So what are you going to do about the bell? 

Recipient: Well there’s one at the door.  That’ll have to do for the time being.

Caller:       In that case we can move on to something else.

Recipient: You can if you want to but I can’t leave home.  Someone is coming here to see me later on. 

Caller:       Yeah, I got you.

Recipient: No you can’t.  My mother did that already.

Caller:       Your mother did what?

Recipient:  Got me.  She is the reason I am here.

Caller:       Whatever!  Putting that aside, what’s up?

Recipient: Well right now I am not too sure.  You see I am inside not outside.  If you are outside just look up and you won’t have to ask me.

Caller:       Man, get serious!  Stop joking around and let’s have a reasonable conversation.  I heard you weren’t well, how are you feeling now?

Recipient: I am not feeling anything but the phone.  That’s all I have in my hand at the moment.

 

Caller:       Not what you are feeling but how you are feeling.

Recipient: Oh, I now understand what you are asking.  With my fingers; that’s how I feel all the time.

Caller:       It doesn’t seem as if I am getting anywhere with you today.

Recipient: I already told you that I have to stay here because someone is coming to see me.

Caller:       I am not going back there with you.

Recipient: Have we been there before?  I really don’t

                  remember leaving here.

Caller:       Anyhow, moving on!  How is church?

Recipient: What do you mean?  Nobody told me it was sick.

Caller:       I do not mean so.  I mean how is church going?

Recipient: If not by car maybe by bus.  If it’s not far it’ll probably walk.

Caller:       You got me all wrong.

Recipient: No, not this one!  Don’t blame me for how you got here.  Have a little chat with your mother.  If you are wrong may be she is to blame, not me.

Caller:       Come on man!  There is no need to get personal.

Recipient: No, not at all.  I am my person and you are your person.  That is as personal as we would ever be.

Caller:       Look I am going.  I just can’t keep up with you.

Recipient: That’s interesting!  I am not going anywhere yet you complain that you can’t keep up with me.   I wonder what would happen if I were going somewhere.

Caller:       Now that’s what I mean.  For this entire telephone call you have been giving me funny answers.

Recipient: How could that be?  Neither of us is laughing.

Caller:       Look I gone!

Recipient: Do not go yet.  You haven’t told me why you called in the first place.

Caller:       Wait a minute!  Then you are not really there?

Recipient: What do you mean I am not really here?

Caller:       That’s simple! You told me I called you in the first place.

Recipient: Yeah! That’s true!

Caller:       Well if I called you in the first place, that’s where  you were when I called you.

Recipient: Tell me more, man!  Explain yourself!

Caller      Well if you were in the first place when I called then this would have to be the second place where you are now.  That is why we cannot connect.  You see I am in the first place calling you while you are in the second place; two different places at two different times.

Recipient: Well in that case I’ll ring you back later if that is all right with you.

Caller:       No problem man, just call me before you ring cause I might not be here.

Recipient: Okay, that makes sense to me.  Bye!

Stewart Russell © 2014