Stewie's Silly Snippets Volume 6

It Could Happen to You

Having heard the sound I looked
Then came a police and I was booked
I had run in the back of a truck
Quite clearly I was in a load of muck.

The Late Is Worse Than Being Late

Why hurry and waste time?
Or why waste time in a hurry?
If you take your time you’ll be fine,
Though late, someone else will be buried.

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Change Is Systematic and Erratic

Loony lunar lunatic
Desperate frantic in a panic
Hayloft skylight or an attic
Dynamic similarities but not static

Not To Be Deliberately Mistaken

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Every accident is a collision
But not every collision is an accident,
An accident oft is the driver’s indecision
But a collision could be the driver’s intent.

A Way and Away

Staying away is a way Joe used to have his way
But when he was away the boss used his way to have his say.
After being away, Joe’s way was to return the next day.
After one day away, the boss had his way sending Joe away without pay.

T-Twenty Matters

Pitter-patter and lots of chatter,
Mad as a hatter, what does it matter?
Batsmen once, now they’re batters,
Ball on galvanise, what a clatter!

Doodle and Google

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Doodle and Google are twins,
Both make our heads to spin;
Doodle achieves it with a page
But Google’s world’s its stage.

The Spider-less Web

I went on the web to look for spiders
But none could be found at all;
Though I used the available search providers
Not one sighting could I recall

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Of great expanse is the World Wide Web
But never a spider could be found;
With a click around its entirety I sped
But absolutely no spiders abound.

The LIME and FLOW Saga

It is true that LIME can inhibit FLOW
But is it true that FLOW limits LIME?
We will know in a couple years or so
When nothing has changed over time.

For all your LIME and FLOW needs,
And for the slowest Internet speeds,
Get LIME and in your getting get FLOW!
One is as slow as the other, you’ll know.

LIME and FLOW is a fork in the road,
Any one will surely add to your load,
In fact both are one and the same,
Rebranding is just a ploy in the game.

For those who changed LIME to FLOW
Started out fast but then became SLOW;
A short while after they joined together
To create a serious LIME FLOW bother.

LIME and FLOW, two Internet providers
Engaged in a fight for Internet supremacy,
But the epic battle ended in a no decider
And now the two comprise a monopoly.

The Attempt Is As Good As the Act
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“I did not commit the crime,”
I argued, “I only attempted.”
“The attempt is as good as the act,”
Said the judge, “So you cannot be exempted.”

“Two hundred dollars forthwith,
You had better pay the fine
Or a large residence awaits you
Where you will be confined.”

Reaching into my side pocket
I flipped out a number of notes;
Attempting to hand them to the court
I withdrew with the following quote.

"I trust you see my genuine act,
That law should work for me;
I attempted to pay the fine
Now you need to set me free."

“How right you are,” replied the judge,
“I do most certainly agree.
I’ll just count the money first
And then you may go free."

Rhyme and Crime

I thought I’d seen it all
But then I heard my name call,
I was so appalled
That I had to take the fall.

No one else was named,
I alone took the blame;
Are these people insane?
They did it to me again.

Three had planned the act,
Verbally signed the pact,
Only one would take the rap,
Caught in a police trap.

And guess what!
Of that that bungling three
The one that was caught
Was none other than Me.

Clowning Around

Up and down
And all around
Show me a clown
With a smiling frown

No Riddle This Riddle

What is?
Long but short
Of all kinds but of one sort
A sneeze yet a cough
Both hard and soft
Difficult and also easy
Still but yet breezy
Rough and also smooth
Both in and out of groove
Cold and yet hot
A little yet a lot
Always but never
Together yet severed
Pure truth total lie
Same on land as in the sky
Strong and yet weak
Plugged but still leak
At the foot and by the head
Alive and also dead
Something but nothing
Nothing but everything
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Did you guess this little test?
Or did you really know
That nothing is the answer?
Okay now I’ve told you so.

Long Time No See

I haven’t seen you since the last time
I sure won’t see you before the next
Twice I have told you once before
So the next time you won’t be vex.

The Money Tree

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Once I have told you twice before
That money doesn’t grow on trees
But you disbelieve and come for more
So check out there among the leaves.

Stewart Russell © 2015