Most people take me for a fool
But I do not mind, that is cool,
I just know I have my own sense
And I am my own chief defense.
I woke up with this funny feeling
Partly because of a lot of stealing,
I read it in one of the newspapers
Another one of those ATM capers.
I jumped straight up out of my bed
With this funny feeling in my head,
Looked in my father’s jacket pocket
Where I used to keep my wallet.
I carefully scutinised my ATM card,
What I experienced I took it hard!
Right in my hand the card felt light,
I am telling you it did not feel right.
Try to imagine my intense pain,
I put it down and took it up again,
The ATM card was very, very light,
This thing gave me a terrible fright.
I called the wife; she noticed it too,
The card was lighter that is true,
We both checked when we use it
We always did this out of habit.
Next step you don’t have to guess
Quickly had a bath and got dressed,
Jumped in the car and off to the bank
To talk to an officer of high rank.
“Is there a problem?” she enquired,
Being both pleasant and well attired.
“You’ll tell me when I explain to you
That we lost some dollars, not a few.”
“Tell me,” she said, “how can that be?”
“Heft this card here and you will see.”
She shifted the card from hand to hand
Then said to me she didn’t understand.
“I don’t understand, what’s the fuss?”
“That card is lighter, Mam, it is clear to us.
Much lighter than the last transaction
Are you prepared to give us satisfaction?
We can go higher that you should know
But we came here before higher we go,
All we ask of you is that you be fair,
Give us back our money, isn’t that clear?
You held the card in one hand then the next,
I was sure you knew why we are vexed,
Now you are saying you don’t understand,
Give us our money; that is our demand.”
“You are right, the card does feel light
But so do all cards, no need for a fight.
Do you remember what’s on the account?
Would you care to tell me the amount?”
“We cannot tell how much was removed,
Must be a lot the lightness of the card proves
Give us the amount that you know is fair
And we may just leave the account in here.”
For the next time I will bring my lawyer
And next thing you know you’ll be fired,
You all said this bank is a secure place,
My ATM card says money gone no trace.”
“I have your account up on the screen,
I now see what the two of you mean,
Repeated withdrawals under your name,
As such your card couldn’t weigh the same.
Look here with me and see what I see,
See the withdrawals as well as our fee?
Each withdrawal makes it lighter you know,
You are bright enough to know this is so.”
I know the card did not weigh the same
Only I chose the wrong person to blame,
It was somebody who carries my name
But I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Please give me a new card and a new pin,
Not to put this right would be a grave sin,
This pin will be my secret and mine alone,
I’ll use the last four digits on my telephone.
“Cause I knew it couldn’t be a Bulgarian,
But somehow I felt it was a Barbadian
That was tampering with my ATM card,
Boy when I found who man that was hard.
She knew the card was getting lighter,
There is no doubt that she is brighter,
You would think that she would tell me
But I was the dumb one you all can see.
That the card felt lighter she did agree,
To the bank to enquire she went with me,
Not a word did she utter in my defense,
What a big laugh they had at my expense!
She will never know this pin number
Because I am not one to talk in my slumber,
For the last four digits on our phone
Are known to me and only me alone.
I trusted the wife with my ATM card,
When it became light I took it hard,
I blamed everybody except myself,
Then put the pin on the telephone shelf.
If I’m not a fool then show me another,
But to change this pin I can’t be bothered.
When it’s all gone I’ll go and borrow
Be it next year, next week or tomorrow.
Whenever you use an ATM facility
Scope all the persons within visibility.
And if your ATM card does feel light
Check to make sure that all is right.
For not to check is to be a fool,
Matters not where you went to school,
You could be poor, affluent, PM or MP
Thieves do not come with integrity.
Stewart Russell © 2014